did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
