I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
being pregnant is like rehab
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
