2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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