sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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