when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
