well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
