ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
do nipples grow back?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
