i think i scared a bird with my dick
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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