who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
