maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
