living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
