Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
