I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
