forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
