I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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