If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
