Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
