i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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