i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
