I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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