all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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