Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
