did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
