Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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