Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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