I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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