got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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