idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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