then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
