Ambien. No doubt about it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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