dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
