I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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