I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
