i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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