I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
