I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
