jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This baby is an asshole
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
