its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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