im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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