i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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