My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
