i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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