he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
