there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
