she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
