Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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