I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
