wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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