I'm drive I can fine osifer
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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