I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
