Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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