you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
