too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
